A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.


'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'


A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves

whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:


1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)



The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


The women won.
Share this with all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a sense of humor

Gujarati Funeral .... (IN GOOD HUMOR AND WITH MALICE TO NONE)

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba)
arrived from the US . It was sent
by one of the daughters.


The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in
it when they opened the lid;
they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:


Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha ,


I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated
in the compound of our
ancestral home in GUJARAT .


Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.


You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of
Tobler chocolates and 8
packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.


On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There
are also 2 pairs of shoes
for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.


Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.



Just distribute the rest among yourselves.



The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.


The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is
wearing the necklace, earrings
and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.


The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews.


Please distribute all these fairly.
Love Sumitaben.


PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling
too well now a days.

So one more day to remember! the elder's day. Which are we remembering, the day or the elders? Identifying a day for a particular spectrum like the women's day, children's day, mother's day etc is in itself sickening. What is being tried to prove by celebrating this day is beyond my comprehension!

On this day, what are we supposed to do? Visit a few old age homes, offer them sweets and wish the elders in a condescending tone? Recognizing elders and their existence need have no specific day and specific time. I just heard two elders conversing on the railway platform, a usual haunting place for the retired lot. One of them said "Today is our day! Elder's day! See our children! They are so enamored of our elder's tag, they want to celebrate a day for us! Did you ever celebrate a day for your elders when you were young?" The other one said "I had no opportunity! My elder's always lived with me and every day was a day for them, since my mother would not sleep without seeing me at home for dinner or else, I would inform her in advance!"

This leaves me with a baffling question as to who is elder to whom, where is the border line, Should some one older by a day be treated as elder to the so many others? And what precisely is the concept behind this day?

A look around in my colony is revealing. My neighbor, she just finished her dinner and retired for the day. She lives all alone, while her daughters are living abroad. She visits them occasionally and returns speed post, unable to bear the rigors of the alien culture. The only other change she goes through is her shifting to the old age home when ever she seeks a change! A block away is my other good friend of the family and a distant relative of mine. I met him just today after a long time and asked about his welfare and long absence! " Oh! Yes!" he said " went to see my daughters and son!" he smiled and said " They are well off there! Spent some time with my grand children!" " Why did you then come back?" I asked. " Well!" he drawled " Not a place for us elders to live! This freedom, the freedom to move without depending on any body, well ! you can't find it there!" And added further, "look, since I could walk down this road, I could meet you and exchange a few pleasantries! But there, well, can't even think of going to a walk all alone!"

And so the colony looks to be bereft of those young faces which add life and zing to colony and the people around. Why is it so and should it be this way that most of the younger souls leave the land in search of green pastures and celebrate a day for the elders as if to appease their guilt! And for that , should a special day be ear marked, like the women's day, the father's day, the mother's day, Valentine's day etc!

I still remember those punch lines from the movie BAGBAN, where in Amitabh laments about children failing to extend their fingers to support elders lead the life in old age or for that matter the last verse from the Ghazal "chitti aathi hai" where in the son is asked to come back to the home land on the plea that "Yahan bhi milthi hai roti!". Yes, today it is not only pulka, but ghee ki roti is also available, why then seeking a green pasture, leaving the elders all alone and celebrate a day for them? And that day is not too far where I and you will also be an elder, that is if we are not elders today, relatively.

Chennai Silks, a textile unit has come up with one of its kind and it is seeking an unmistakable entry into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the most unique and expensive saree.

The exceptionally stunning saree is meticulously woven with 12 precious stones and metals to depict 11 of Raja Ravi Verma's popular paintings. Explicitly projected is 'Lady Musicians', one of the painter's very famous works that displays women belonging to diverse cultural backgrounds.

Besides, the border of the saree pictures 10 other paintings of the artist that pays tribute to 20th century artist.
The best part of the saree being that the women in the paintings are intricately hand-woven and beautified with jewels of gold, diamond, platinum, silver, ruby, emerald, yellow sapphire, sapphire, cat's eye, topaz, pearl and corals.

Already in the Limca Book of Records, this 40 lakh saree will be the first silk saree that required the use of 7,440 jacquard hooks and 66,794 cards during the weaving process. Moreover, a group of consummate workers took nearly 4,680 hours to creat this sari.

__,European English!_._,___ European english The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English' . In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

"Ji! Main! main!.. Saheb ne mujhe bhulaye the!" I blurted out, a wee bit relaxed and confident that I could see a human soul around. The wind hissed again and the neem tree shook. There was thunder in the distance. "Dharwaza khula hai! Aap andhar baitiyega! Sahib aajayenge" She pulled her face inside abruptly, leaving me all alone again.

A few yards away, a door almost blended against the surrounding canopy. The door belonged to the erstwhile era and was in tune with the architectural surrounding, a kind of deep green painted over and over on the wood. The door looked as though it was locked inside and as I was about to push it, I heard the feeble voice again from inside "Munna! Mehman baite huen hai unhe sathana nahin! Udhar nahin jaana!"

"Munna!" I muttered the name and told myself "May be, he is his son" I convinced myself and settled lazily on the sofa. I gave a look around to find a few trophies from the wild,and a few photographs adoring the walls. A wall clock with its swinging pendulum announced the time as 7:00 P.M. There stood an ornamental lamp post in the corner of the house, with a satin shade, cylindrical in shape, with its light rays clearing the shadows around. The fluorescent tube lamp flickered uneasily, either due to fluctuating voltage or may be due to aging, which gave an eerie look around. The subdued sound of a horn on the road, an occasional roar of a passing lorry were the only signs of life around. The hall was big enough by modern standards, and in the far corner, there was another sofa, slightly bigger than the one on which I was sitting, draped in cotton with stripes like that of tiger imprinted upon it. It looked as though a real tiger skin has been used to drape the sofa.

I settled down in anticipation, with all my apprehensions having vanished, and I looked forward to the return of the gentleman, whom I wanted to interview. He was the curator of the local zoo, and I wanted to interview him for a feature to be produced by the local radio. As I sat reclined, with my leg stretched and lazy, suddenly it dawned on me that the house where I was, was a residential part of the zoo, and that the zoo was in the adjoining fence. That sounded reassuring, as I had been entertaining an unknown anxiety about the growls I had been imagining and as if to reinforce my belief, a few more growls emanated from the distance. The ominous stormy weather remained outside, with intermittent thunder rolling over the sky, I just waited and may be, I went into a short snooze involuntarily, and I wouldn't know how long it was! I woke up suddenly to a thud, and all I found was total darkness all around. The lights were gone, and streaks of lightning lit the sky, which I could observe through the window glasses. Cursing myself for choosing such a day, I sat in the darkness. Suddenly, I thought that I felt that some feline was caressing my knee and leg and I could feel the stiffness of its tail. "Shoo!" I hissed, driving away the animal, which I assumed to be a cat, since nothing was visible. A few moments later, there was another similar brush, a soft fur caressing my skin, and I involuntarily lifted my leg to let it pass. A moment later, there was a thud, and I thought that the animal had settled on the other sofa. "Munna! Munna! kahan ho! kahin math jao! wohi rukho!" the frail voice interrupted my thoughts as it went on "patha nahin, chirag kahan lagaye?". Engulfed in total darkness, I remained glued to my seat, silently praying for the arrival of the curator, so that I could finish my work.

Time was passing by, and I was becoming fidgety. Restless and indecisive, I began debating as whether to wait or leave. The weather outside offered no other choice but to wait. It looked as though it was a long time spent in that surrounding. I let my eyes wander, piercing through the darkness, wondering as to what the person inside may be doing! Expecting a cup of hot tea at that hour would not have been wrong, yet the very thought of it in the darkness annoyed me, now that I know that only Munna and that frail voice were the only inmates in the house at that hour. I stood up, stretching my legs and yawning away to glory, my hands raised up to drive the boredom. And just then, just then, I saw it, and what I saw froze me!

--to be continued

A few gingerly steps further, I gave a probing look all around, as if to locate a sinister design being hatched at some dark corner. "Hello!" I yelled once again. "Is anybody home?" I pleaded. I heard the growl again, this time a bit more intimidating. "Why am I imagining" I asked myself, and suddenly I felt a commotion behind. Even before I could realize what was happening, a few rabbits hopped around and vanished into the dark corners. The weather unfolded itself in the form of rain drops, soon gathering momentum to a torrent and there I was, searching for a shade to escape the onslaught.

(to be continued)

THINK POSITIVE

This is nice - finding positive out of every negative - which we don"t always manage to do.

I am thankful...

1. For the husband who snores all night, because he is at home asleep with me and not with someone else.

2. For my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means she is at home & not on the streets.

3. For the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.

4. For the mess to clean after a party because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.

5. For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.

6. For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in thesunshine.

7. For a floor that needs mopping, and windows that need cleaning because it means I have a home.

8. For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech.

9. For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.

10. For the noise I have to bear from my neighbours because it means that I can hear.

11. For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.

12. For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.

13. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am still alive.

Can you imagine this is happening in INDIA?

Government of India has an online Grievance forum at

http://darpg-grievance.nic.in/

Can you imagine this is happening in INDIA?

The govt. wants people to use this tool to highlight the problems they face while dealing with Government officials or departments like Passport Office, Electricity board, BSNL/MTNL, Railways etc.

I know many people will say that these things don"t work in India, but this actually works as one of our Indian Brother found out. The guy I"m talking about lives in Faridabad. Couple of months back, the Faridabad Municipal Corporation laid new roads in his area and the residents were very happy about it. But 2 weeks later, BSNL dug up the newly laid roads to install new cables which annoyed all the residents including this guy. But it was only this guy! Who used the above listed grievance forum to highlight his concern. And to his surprise,

BSNL and Municipal Corporation of Faridabad were served a show cause notice and the guy received a copy of the notice in one week.

Government has asked the MC and BSNL about the goof up as it"s clear that both the government departments were not in sync at all.

So use this grievance forum and educate others who don"t know about this facility. This way we can at least raise our concerns instead of just talking about the " System" in India. Let your friends know about this website and lets make India a better place to live in.

PLEASE SPREAD THIS MESSAGE IF YOU WANT OUR INDIA TO HAVE A BETTER TOMORROW.

JAI HIND

A Lizard story ..really inspiring

WHEN A LIZARD CAN, WHY CAN"T WE?

This is a true story that happened in Japan .


In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan breaks open the wall.


Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls.


When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a live lizard stuck there because a nail from outside hammered into one of its feet.

He sees this, feels pity, and at the same time curious, as when he checked the nail, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was! first built.


What happened?


The lizard has survived in such position for 10 years!!!!!!!!!!

In a dark wall partition for 10 years with out moving, it is impossible and mind-boggling.

Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years! without moving a single step--since its foot was nailed!

So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it has been doing, and what and how it has been eating.

Later, not knowing from where it came, appears another lizard, with food in its mouth.


Ah! He was stunned and touched deeply.

For the lizard that was stuck by nail, another lizard has been feeding it for the past 10 years...


Imagine? it has been doing that untiringly for 10 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.

Think, will u do that to your partner?

Think that will you do it to your Mom, Who brought you after a big struggle of Nine long months ?


Or at least to your Dad, Friends, Co-workers, brothers and Sisters?

Imagine what a small creature can do that a creature blessed with a brilliant mind can"t.

As information and communication technology advances, our access to information becomes faster and faster.


But the distance between human beings . . . is it getting closer as well?


Please never abandon your loved ones


Never Say U R Busy When They Really Need You ...

You May Have The Entire World At Your Feet.....

But You Might Be The Only World To Them....

A Moment of negligence might break the very heart which loves you thru all odds..


Before you say something just remember.It takes a moment to Break but an entire life to make....

To Live Use Heart And to Survive use Brains.

Then Life would be a paradise Unfurling only Love Joy and Happiness.....


Spread this message to everyone you Love and Help them Live life and not merely Survive.....

The happiest of people don"t necessarily have the best of everything;

They just make the most of everything that comes along their way !!